Bloated

Two years....

Two years, alot and nothing has changed.

My hair is a mess, as usual.

I haven't changed - regardless of the trips to the gym, smoothies, yoga, walks, hikes, and low carbs

... I'm still ignored by the opposite sex..judging eyes I really don get

should I smile more? should I carry myself as loosely as the other women do?

I still want a simple life, and I'm still bitter as fuck about how I'm viewed by others

Fuck my culture... its copied and pasted anyways....

I just want to go back... go back where I was...lonely but content

Lately I'm just lonely and pissed off, or tired, or frustrated

I'm going to starve myself, I should say fast.... how determined am I for change? what will it take for

my body to change? why did it become like this in the first place?

why do others think they're better than I am? fuck them...

..... the good Godly girl image I had for myself seems a joke now

..... maybe everything I thought I knew was a joke. I fear God, so I love God.

Maybe I should just let go like everyone else and just... whore myself to the superficial garbage

I'd be in the same emotional space, just stained and regretful

It seems I need to go to extremes to get what I want, well so be it.

 

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Comments (3)

  1. This comment has been deleted
  2. cinders158

    Hi TrueChild I do sympathize with your situation as I have struggled for change in myself for a very long time as well. I think the most important thing is for you to accept yourself first. Other people will accept you eventually because they will sense the confidence in you. Even if they don’t if you have truly accepted yourself, their opinion won’t matter to you.

    November 17, 2015
  3. wwboyd

    There is a guy you have ignored or overlooked who is in the same boat of hating everything about his exterior. I am one of them and no one gives a shit. So as long as I am not speaking to women I am a superficial jerk, yet when women do not speak no one calls the shallow, you get an automatic bubble of protection and shoulder to cry on just for saying superficial without any proof or concern for others hideous reflections. I hate walking by magazine racks and seeing Men Health models air brushed as much as any woman’s magazine.

    November 17, 2015
    1. TrueChild

      hmmm…. i guess when all i see is how much i need to change i can’t see the struggle of others (image) especially men, because honestly, I find something attractive in most men I come across…. but people are people… more alike than we think. Hope you’re doing well on your journey

      February 03, 2017