Two years, alot and nothing has changed.
My hair is a mess, as usual.
I haven't changed - regardless of the trips to the gym, smoothies, yoga, walks, hikes, and low carbs
... I'm still ignored by the opposite sex..judging eyes I really don get
should I smile more? should I carry myself as loosely as the other women do?
I still want a simple life, and I'm still bitter as fuck about how I'm viewed by others
Fuck my culture... its copied and pasted anyways....
I just want to go back... go back where I was...lonely but content
Lately I'm just lonely and pissed off, or tired, or frustrated
I'm going to starve myself, I should say fast.... how determined am I for change? what will it take for
my body to change? why did it become like this in the first place?
why do others think they're better than I am? fuck them...
..... the good Godly girl image I had for myself seems a joke now
..... maybe everything I thought I knew was a joke. I fear God, so I love God.
Maybe I should just let go like everyone else and just... whore myself to the superficial garbage
I'd be in the same emotional space, just stained and regretful
It seems I need to go to extremes to get what I want, well so be it.