Earlier years proved that I was the ugly duckling
Earlier years proved I was fat, fatty, chubby
Earlier years proved that perhaps I was the DUFF (cool movie btw)
Earlier years proved that if I wanted love I would have to change the very essence of who I was
Later years proved I could attract a glance - but never enough for significant relationships to build
Later years proved love of self and God meant so much more....and then
When it feels as if the environment is ripe for me to be my truest self a funny moment becomes a moment to remind me of my "chubby"
And passive acceptance of loved ones is disturbing
Having to hold back the single tear that dares to escape my prison of emotion
Underlying all this, is the anger and bitterness - resting in the truth that in my world, in my experiences, I will always fail to be enough - my "chubby" tainting me to such an extent that I am insignificant as a person
By loved ones... men.... friends.... "if only you lost the weight"
Because, somehow above it all they say "you look nice today"
The funny thing is... I know I'm not "chubby" ... I know (And you would too if we ever met) that I'm pretty cute lol... just not enough
I won't cry because they can't see the me I see
I will cry because it appears that my legacy will die with me, but may God's will be done